The Week After The Night Previously...

So that was another morning where you wake up and think why the hell you did what you did.

Once again the scooby gang (James, Faith, Cheeser and me) went out for "1" drink. Faith has her friend from America over. They have been chatting for years and decided that it was time they met. So to ease him into the english way of life we all went to the english early learning center, the pub!

Why I couldn't see it coming from a mile away I don't know but, we certainly allowed ourselves to be guests on the slender gondola of booze and frivolity. AFter the first drink I knew that it was farrrr too tasty for me to ever get off the boat. Then when Cheeser decided to order a pitcher, companioned by all in all 2 doubles to "sex" the drink up slightly, this then confirmed that it was going to be a tasty night for her as well. Drinks drinks drink. Chat and more drinks. It got to the point where the guy had turned the lights on and was pretty much burning two holes in my head from staring far too intensely. I remembered that a couple of nights on the way home that i'd popped into a bar for one last dirty tipple. The Highgate Inn is the fatal name that was never too far away from my thoughts the morning after.

Its great. A real pub that has real people and no drinks menus. If you don't know what you want them piss off. It's open till the owner, a thin drunken Irish man, decides that he has had enough. This still led us being there until around 2.30am or 3am I can't entirely remember. But I do remember drinking rum. I remember talking to a lovely man that we couldn't really guess was gay or not. Then I think we plotted a plan to find out using some well placed comments and stories. I think it worked out he wasn't, to which Cheeser was very happy because he was a very nice young man!

A stumble home did however bring fruits. Cheeser found a hat that she very much liked the look of and wore all the way home. It was placed upon the cranium backwards which of course lent itself to some 90's white wrap jokes. This then led further onto Me taking photos of her doing the white wrap stance of painfully folded arms and an angry face whilst leaning to the side slightly in front of a back lit advertising screen. I think from the small image below you can imagine that this is a very very good look. The day came. I felt terrible but don't regret it and will most likely do it again. No WILL do it again.

So that is the light part of the blog, now your really in for the big stuff. What the F is up with the crap we eat. I have been, over the last few months, amazed by what people class as food now. I honestly have never seen such shite in the freezers as I have now. Please see below and explain who gets off by saying this is food.

IS IT FUCK !!!

Whatever that is is is certainly not animal or mineral based. I mean seriously. I understand that money is tight for everyone and that there are low income families that need to get the most for the least amount of money. I get that I really really do.

However.

Why on earth would you put yourself through THAT! If you don't have that much cash you would want to spend it on, I would say, on things that are going to give you the most amount of nutrients and goodness form the smallest amount of effort and expenditure. That piece of crap up there is only going to give you very very lose bowl movements for the rest of your human life. They shouldn't even be allowed to sell it because people will buy the bloody stuff. I mean what is a turkey roast? Because they have not said where from.

"Yes sir this is the very best and most exclusive product in our new turkey toenail and belly button fluff range. We thought the customers would prefer it if it was actually the same shade as meat so we have added some ribena just for a little colour. We think the result is actually as bad as we could get."

" well done small fat waste of space employee. You have completed your targets for this week. Now as promised here are your tickets to Russia so you can laugh at some radiation victims"

I can imagine that may sound slightly harsh but thats what these people but be like underneath because they have no accountability for what they produce and throw out for people to consume. Bastards I tells ya. Bastards.

Tired. Bed. Finish later.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel bad.

Really Bad.

Drinks.

4am.

Work.

Bad Bad Dan.

I must stop now to finish my chocolate croissant.

H A N G O V E R.

We Beat The Dave's!!!! Oy Vey!!!

The day after the 'days' before. Doddsey (my best mate from back home) has now left to get the train back home. It was a wicked weekend!! It's weird to say in a way but it's sooo cool meeting up after a little bit of time because we have soo much to talk about and there is never a quite moment, even if there is he is one of the few people that I don't feel in any way uncomfortable. We are more than happy to sit, with a beer and a tab and just people watch. I reckon when you can do that with someone without just being a rude bugger then you have found someone that you will know for the rest of your life. Big internet salute to Doddsey. You da man!!

So after many drinks on the weekend around rolled sunday and off to the shops we went to buy many good things to make us feel better about me being hungover and Cheeser feeling tired from her long drive up from seeing friends and dancing to thriller.

-At this point I should let the reader and remind myself that Doddsey does not really get along that well with the Jewish members of our society. He has had prior, and, although he is not that fond he is in no way nasty to them he just would rather have a cup of tea or a pint, if you get my meaning. Just to confirm he is in no way mean or nasty!!-

So off to the shops we went and I wanted to tell Cheeser that I had taken Doddsey around to Hendon and Golders Green to show him the sights and also to show him the areas where alot of Jewish families live. There is a large part of Newcastle that also has a big Jewish community and I wanted to show him the size of the ones in London to give him some sort of comparison. It wasn't like I wanted to give him some sort of unfortunate fair ground ride to watch his blood pressure rise and I could measure the top point to which it reached!

I chose Brent Cross tesco's on a sunday to tell Cheeser this story which as you may be able to imagine was not the best idea as at that point there were many many Jewish people around. I noticed this and said right well we need to think of a code name so I can tell the story without being lynched.

Dave's- That, in my tiny little stupid beer soaked brain is all I could come up with. "Dave's"!

At which point does that ever become some what of a code name that no-one would ever be able to break. I mean they most likely started listening more intensely to find out what a fuckin 'Dave' was!! The story as it happens was that I took him round to see all the many many "Dave's" however forgot it was a saturday and due to religious reason's "Daveish" people are not allowed to do much then. Actually I couldn't have picked a worse day to take him round. I should have just ran him along to Tesco on Sunday and he would have got the idea alot quicker id imagine. Tosser!!

One good thing did come out of the whole experience though. We did beat some of the Daveish ladies to the cheapo tissues in tesco's. Im not sure what it is with lades and tissue's but they love a bit of it. The Daveish ladies however have turned it into some sort of sport or gang warfare situation where they fight for who can grab the most tissues before anyone else. It's like down town L.A in the bog roll isle ( I don't know how to spell "isle", someone please feel free NOT to correct me) when they bring those bad boys out. Sod meth amphetamine being the new drug problem in the UK, tissues are gunna be the next big killer. I have never in my life seen so many boxes of tissues go in one day. However this time the East Finchley massive "like bear showed dem dat weez iz da bosses in dat manerr yeah, BBRRAAPP". We got tissues and we didn't care who knew it. This thus far explains the title to the blog.

Any hoot we got away from that mess and moved on to the rest of the week. Money is slightly too tight to mention at the moment. Not mostly due to the fact that Barclays are total wankers and have no idea how to look after the customers. Im not going into because actually even im bored of it now however it does end up in the fact that I still don't have my debit card after 18 days of waiting. I hate them and all their children and will make sure in the after life that they are made to lick and eat all the chewing gum in the world that has been left under the desks of many a teenagers home room. Wanker, wankers, wankers!!!

Just looking back at my blog and I can only decide that I have just waffled on about total shite for soooo long. I can't imagine why but im sure it's all very good for the soul. I shall carry on.

Im in a very learny kind of mood at the moment. I have been trying to learn more things. Im always watching documentary's anyway, because they are mint and sometimes you do learn things from them. However i've been trying to listen to more music and vary my span of stuff that I listen to. I listen to music all the time and I realized I was tending to listen to the same thing all the time. Nothing wrong with that in any way what so ever, however now is the time. I don't get the feeling to teach myself things too often so when I do I have now figured out that I should grab it with both hands and run. Classical, Jazz, Swing, Country, Industrial, all the many many types of dance that you can get etc etc. RNB is where I stop. Im fully in the knowledge that RNB is music........... but not something I want to find anymore about.

And last I wanted to remind myself how much im enjoying people blogs. Cheeser said it in her blog and I would like to say it in mine. Everyone is soooo interesting and I love having my tea and biscuit or pastry in the morning before starting the real work and catching up on everyone. Even if it's just what you might call ramblings, it's really really not to me. I love reading them and I love the fact that other people do it. Thank you one and all. And big "props" to my breadrin cheeser for getting me to start. x

Good Night and stay safe San Diego

FUCKING...................BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

The title- Big Brother issue. As I gazed upon the small handful of spakwamers that channel 4 had chosen to put on the screen I wondered to myself. (Pause for Tilley style thought process).

They shouldn't have.

I have never been to the BB auditions because frankly I like having a number 2 in private and no one wants to see me in a towel whilst they have there tea and biscuits. However to then turn back to the ingrates they have chosen I start to come to the conclusion that behind the interview and decision making in the BB office are maybe very angry and slightly sexually confused lamas or alpacas (maybe alSpacas), i massively giggled to myself at said point.

Take Bea for instance. I have sworn and shouted at the tv sooo much tonight. Why?! She will never meet me. She may actually not be that real. However she still manages to get my blood boiling to the point of making that old whistle sound that a hob kettle makes.

All she ever keeps saying is she is so into being positive and "ohh maann just be cool and love the earth and like cooll mmaann" and like maybe you should fuck off and eat some soil if you love the earth that much you tree hugging daisy licker. She is just a walking contradiction. Which is something that I have learned to despise. I think mostly because I myself used to do this a fair bit when I was younger and maybe I still do but, I really try and stop myself and look out for it in myself because it's not a good look on people.

Now im thinking that some how I have turned BB into some sort of self examination tool that could be used to better yourself.....actually na bollocks to that.....hmmmm.....or is iiitttt????

Adam and Joe. I love you but I literally could not dislike you more when you make me laugh very loud or sit and giggle like some sort of school girl playing "Doctors and Nurses"-

On the tube.

They say something.

I laugh.

I shrink into my chair because that will stop everyone from looking at me as a fucking mental patient. Its not cool! But then I think if only I could show them what they are missing and that im not crazy im just genuinely listening to something very funny. It has run through my mind a few times, nay, many times, that I could systematically go round the tube letting people listen to the podcast and watch and wait as they sit in rolling fits of laughter. I have not done this yet but I reckon it's not going to take long.

Im losing my hair! I have a balding patch at the rear of my bonse (head). It's not too bad at the moment but it is progressively getting worse. Problem that I have been thinking is what happens when I do! What road do I take? Change the hair style to try and hide it? Buy a hat and never take it off? SHave it all off and look like a thug forever? Run away and hide in some remote outcrop of the nevada desert popping in to the Kitty Ranch to have a nice chat and a pint of jaeger with the resident ladies of the night? The whole thing worries me and weighs on my mind (unlike my hair).

I think I would go hat.

But then I don't want to be that friend who never takes their hat off and thats what he is known for AND you can't wear hats in many pubs and clubs so I would really..................ahh now im just letting it all get on top of me hahaha im going to ride the wave and see what happens.

Not sure why I blogged tonight. I suppose you don't need a reason.

Tired. Bedtime!