Can I Have Some More Sir?

In bed a little bit tired as last night I finally got my arse into gear and took Senab out for her birthday dinner. She had very lovingly bought me a great MP3 player and I thought really the only way I could re-pay someone like Senab, a serial foodie, would be to take her out for a nice meal somewhere.

After reaslising that it was not in Bearkley Square and was actually in Grovsner Sq we rocked up to Gorden Ramsey's Maze. It somewhere i have been before and it is really a great place for a special meal. The reason I say that is because the menu is made up of alot of small dishes broken down nto starter main and dessert and from that enu you pick around 7 to 10 dishes of your choice. They slowly start coming out one after another and, OMG!! it is a culinary treat for the taste buds. So to anyone reading this that is in the shit with their girlfriends or boyfriends and needs to get firmly back into good books. This is like a "shag me over the kitchen table before ive even taken off my socks" voucher.

Very Nice!!

Another reason for it being a lovely day this saturday is because its Faiths birthday!!! YEY!! Im sure lots of liquid silliness will be drank and many diffrent worlds and realities put to rights. Blog hugs and kisses to the bitrthday girl.

Oh shite I nearly forgot, the staff yesterday said they were arrangeing a strike. HAHAHA I nearly pissed my pants. How eighties of them, if only they knew it was totally futile and pointless.

Ok so, on saturday one of the other guys says to one of the managers that around 8-12 of the guy at work are going to strike on Sunday. The manager goes down into the office and tries to mull over what she is going to do. She calls HR and they basically say that it would be an illegal strike because Nokia do not recognise a union and they have to give 30 days notice of any strike action anyway. This would then lead to gross misconduct and therefore they would all be sacked.
Well if i could of had some popcorn and some gelatonase coloured sweets I would have been complete, as I was already on the edge of my cinema seat waiting in antisipation for the next scene of the saga to enfold.

But no! Stop! The twist to the tale! The strike "Ringleader" then comes up to Subz (My boss who has nothing to do with any of the sales team) and wants to talk. SUbz asks him whats going on and the answer is quite perplexing. His story of events is that they were only putting this into motion to find out if the original chap that said something to the manager at the beginning of our story was a snake and whether or not he would in fact say something. Well he did say something but who do we beleive.......I think its time to call in Jessica Fletcher (fuckin nosey bitch!)


"Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult"

Oh and also I learned that my favorite word in the world is .....Labradoodle

Scalapini's, Sunny Days and Polaks

Im sitting in the sitting room (that just sounds like stateing the obvious!!!), the doors open the birds are singing and the sun is out. Im writing a new post for my blog.......shit, how bohemian could i be. All i need now is a drink problem and bad social skills and I could be the next big thing!

This, all joking apart, makes me feel like im back home. It feels like im not in London and sitting at my mums over looking the village. Very nice!



Right so onwards and upwards we go. Its been a busy old few days since I posted last. Work has been it usual busy shitty self. I have finally got my act together and told Robin that I have had enough with waiting for my bonus and I need something done about it. I have been waiting about 4 months for them to grant me the bonus and the promotion. For whatever knobhead reason they give I am still void of any extra cash for position change. A fairly detailed and abrupt email was sent, which included in the address bar the head of HR, and it has worked and before long I hear that all will be done and i will have what I want from them. I wish i could "make them an offer they couldn't refuse" and they would just grant me it but this will be spoken about later..
So hands together and look to the sky that it all happens and I can start to get some more cash soon.

I went out last night, it was the last night of one of the guys from work. Peter from Poland. Lovely lad. He had some issues at work. Everyone and by everyone I mean EVERYONE knew that he was a homo. He is a little camp but you know when you know, he just.....is. So he didn't feel happy to tell anyone at work until the last couple weeks when I couldn't take it anymore and asked him.

"Peter, your queer right?"

"No, its not possible for you to be asking this question!?"

"Yeah but you are yeah?"

"......Yeah"

So thats was out the way and no-one had an issue at all with him he just felt that he would rather keep it to himself, no problem.

So off we went. Drinks and dancing ensued and we had a good time as usual. However in the early part of the night I was telling the guys about when I went to Prague with a friend, Doddsey, from back home. I told them of the things that went on there, dwarfs and titty tassles were included in said conversation so you can imagine what kinda situations we were finding ourselves in. At which point I stumpled upon this following conversational suicide-

"So after we went to the brothels and strip joints etc, we found a really traditional pub. Old school looking one, dark, dingy, dirty and the only people in there were local Polish guys........!"

At which point Polish Peter knearly took my head off with a barrage of insults and expletives which I had no idea of the reason.......

Praque is not in Poland!

I suppose this doesn't work out in my favour and makes me look like a total twat. It never even occurred to me that it would be anything other than right.....well he had a go at me and the only thing i could say to save myself was....

"Ahh well, its all the same. You know, the Eastern Block."

As you can imagine, this went down like a shit sandwich and the rest of the immediate night turned into a slagging match.......I love it when a plan comes together haha. Anyway a good night had by all......well......nearly! As me and Ralph were waiting for our taxi a lad came off the bus and came straight over with a fag and said he needed a light. I took my lighter out and lit his smoke. At this point he started dancing with me and holding my left arm at the same time. It wasnt until I felt the extra clasp on my watching touching my wrist that I realised the little fucking dirty fucker was trying to steal my pretty expensive watch that was a present from my mum. I wasn't happy as you can imagine and swung for him. Missing. He ran and I gave chase slighlty but it's not a good time to chase someone after a night on Jager. I gave up and just sufficed myself by swearing and shouting slurs at him. I was not a happy bunny! I hate shit like that, if you cant be arsed to get up and do stuff for yourself and get things for yourself then dont even dream of the idea of taking them of me-


"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you" .....so there!

Well I started this post on saturday, its now Monday and im off work "ill". Went out with Mum, Elliott, Ad and Lyndsey on Saturday night at the Ritz. It was amazing. We had loads of extra food as per Jeremy. I had asked for some canapes and stuff but I didn't expect to get that much!!! It was amazing and im so so so grateful for him doing it. Thanx Jezza!!
The one draw back to it was that drank far to much red wine and came back and spewed up for about 30 mins, take the rough with the smooth I suppose, I still had the best night ever.

Finally I think it is very important for me to let everyone in on my very new and very real obsession......The Sopranos!! You cannot imagine how much this small box set can totally take over your life... I have been thinking about it at work and have even started to pinch my fingers together and shake them like the italian bosses themselves do. I bought the boxset for Miranda and have actually had no intension of watching it....I gave in and its the worst and best thing ive ever done.
So at the moment im on season 3 and its all going on. Tony is on a mental breakthrough. Paulie has the best hair I think ive ever seen and im very very close to actually passing a psycho therapist. I prmise to any poor wanderer that reads this feeble post to do it. Buy it. Be careful, but, buy it!!!!!

So the fact that i learned this week,
Q-What is the difference between Cottage Pie and Shepherds Pie?

A-Shepherds (SHEEP)Pie is technically made only from Lamb Meat.
Cottage Pie - Any other meat, or can contain no meat only vegetables.

In A Mellow Tone..

The weekend doth start and. I. Am. Glad.

This week at work has been a mental time. Since the end of the tube launch at the store where we worked really hard to get everything done, I have been trying hard to get back into the swing of things without that much luck. Things will get better soon I imagine. Role on, role on!!!



So, had to go and get the money for my tattoo the other day. This is not a small amount! The ending total is going to be £1500!, and so Nick (my tattooist) asked me to do him a favour and pick him up a couple of things before he goes off to holiday for 3 weeks.

One of the items he asked of me to aquire was a set of headphones. These padded, horse shoe note throwers, are without doubt a grand peice of gadgetry. However they have the price tag to go with this spec. £267. Normally this wouldn't bother me, I think that if you are going to get something worth buying then if you can efford the best then bloody well splash out on it.

Second on the list of these glittering articles is a wallet. Nick pointed out that he did not want a normal wallet and actually wanted a classic look. Long and black and very old school. This posed and issue, as I had no idea where to go looking for this. Gave up looking around afetr about 10 minutes and decided to go to a shop I have been previously.....Mont Blanc!
At this point I had to call him and ask how much he was going to spend. £100. I found one for £195....he said yes! I must admit it felt pretty damn cool to be buying a wallet for that much. Especially taking into account that i looked like shit during work and they were more likely thinking that i was going to rob the place or try and make a liason witht the security guard.

Anyhoo. Out last night. Drunk. Many laughs and then a day of doing nothing with lots and lots of tea. Then 8pm reared its joy inducing head.....Tilley Time!!!

I got a text from the forever eliquant Charlotte to say he would be on and that she was meeting me there.
"Oh may my heart slow down its speedy pitta patta of expectation for the moment his gigantic bulbus head pops onto my screen....in Tilley we trust!"

The time came and it was Me, Charlotte and Kirk lying in wait to ambush the tillster. When he did decide to pop up the usual frivolity ensued. I fail to remmember something that is as reliable as Tilley Cast to make me laugh more. Its not the fact of him because actually he is not funny at all. Its the comments that the guys make when he says something. Charlotte and Kirk are litterally inspired in the way they look at things. Some comments they says fuckin slay me. I will in the next post, assuming Tilley is on before then, paste in some comments that will make sense. HAHA im laughing now just thinking about it. lol. I may actually make a point of editing the best bits of the casts I go to and post them because I think that they should be kept for posterity.HAHA i need to stop talking about him because I think im going to wee HAHA.

Onto to pastures less green. Chesser didn't pass her test.....Boo! She was very very annoyed. I of course received the obligitory crazy, axe weilding phone call call of..

" I fucking hate the DVLA! Im never doing this shite again! Who fucking cares if they fucking drive!" etc etc etc.....

Fair enough as from the sounds of what she told me, she got a really hard time of things from the driving instructer. I have taken the time to put in place a hit on the bastard and soon I fear that her pain will be released and she can spit on his twitching, lifeless bodie as my, "Guy" will have him served to her feet on a platter made of his entrails.
She will do it again and she will pass it and she will love it when she does. Well done for trying!!!


The last thing is something that im going to start both for myself and any other poor fuckers that will read this. Im going to put one new fact that i didn't know on the end of the post so i hope anyone that reads them will like them and if not then....oh well. x x

"What is the difference between lager, beer, cider and ale?"

Answer-
Beer can be any number beverages, from light to very dark, but generally brewed from malted barley and other starches. Germany passed a purity law in the 1600's requiring beer to have ONLY 4 ingredients, Barley, Hops, Yeast and Water.

Lager refers to a specific type of beer, fermented with a bottom fermenting yeast at a cold (<40 degrees F) temperature.

Cider is made from Apples and has no connection to beer, except for having alcohol

Ales, use a top fermenting yeast that works best at around 65 degrees F.

Riddle Me This...

So i suppose this is going to be my first "real" post. wether or not it just sounds like a bitching session i dont know and actually ....dont really care yey!

Sometimes i litterally feel like the only person in the world that went to school! This, as a statement, is slightly flawed as i was not there too much of the time, however when i get comments like the following i feel that i was the only one that went to school and had social interraction with any other humans, and that maybe alot of other people were only talking to the fucking board rubber (and finding it interesting). Comment goes like so,

"Oh dan you look diffrent, have you lost weight?"

(pause to look at me and frown)

"Have you put on weight?"

(pause to think that their life is shit and they feel the need to give socially inept comments to people that would now love to rip out their throats through their ankles)

"No! Have you had your hair cut?"


Right! So as one may have noticed from this inane comment this person is a dick. But then my mind started to go towards feeling what actually went through this knobheads mind whilst thinking this?

Like, if i was to start some a conversation with someone i would put my brain into gear before trying to string a group of words together that mean anything in their correct arrangement.

This person did not!

This is someone i work with and that is meant to be in contact with the public and is meant to attempt to sell products to them in a correwct and informative manner.....they dont !
It worries me about people sometimes because imagine if they had said this completey knob headish comment to someone like......bjork.(haha i just laughed lol) No but i started thinking that if they said it to someone like her she would not think twice about ripping her hair out or nipple tweeking her so hard her tits fell off. And she wouldnt do it for the fact they are insulting it would be just for the fact that they havent been bothered to think about what the fuck they are saying, they started to make comments to me without even actually being arsed to be interested in what they were talking about, they just kinda opened their mouth and hoped for the best!
I suppose i fixated on it a bit long but shit like that really pisses me off. Its nice to be nice but its better to be fuckin interested you dick!

Well glad thats all over. Onto pastures brighter and all round more fun. My day was full of things i really liked. We got to move all the shite out of the office from the old Ast. Store Manager Glenn moving out to the other store at T5. The fact that he had gone is, on its own a blessing, however the best bits were yet to come. As he had gone he had left many things that me and my boss, Subz, could pilfer. So we basically nicked all his good shit, like his massive computer screen and cordless mouse and other effects that make me sound like a total dweeb. Then around 30 mins later we decided to get rid of all sign of him ever being in the office at all. His desk, bags, papers, shoes, DNA......Completely changed the office around, ending up with a new looking office and alot more room. This, most likely, does not sound like a big thing, but when your in an office for the best part of all day and its really somewhere that you have to inhabit for a long time then you start to get a bit precious of it. Back now to the main point of all this. The best bit and shite i love doing is getting my area sorted out....

"Right so pens go there. Stapler there. Phone here....no phone there"

This took me fucking ages. Alot more time than it should have. I get really bogged down by little shit like that. It all has to look just like that if not only for 1 hour of the day but during that 1 hour i am in control freak, virgo, cat collecter stinking of piss whilst drinking vodka and remembering the days when i could have been in the ballet, HEAVEN!!!

Miranda (Hello), has her driving test tmrw. Im sure she will do fine. Nay! she has to do fine because i couldnt deal with the drunken fallout if she doesnt. She is shitting herself just like everyone else does before theirs. Problem is now i remember everyone saying ohh dont worry you will be fine, it will all be ok. Then thinking....fuck you! YOU dont have the test tmrw!! Its a shit thing to have to go though but when its all done and she can relax im sure she will be muchas happy!

Tilley. Tilley Tilley. This post if anything had to bring up tilley. This could well be the one post i will come back to years down the line when its all blown up and he is a megastar in the -
"Im a massive cunt" competiton of the world.
This is of course the topic of tilley coming into my life in live tv format for the world to see. He is without a prick. BUt he is also a prick that miranda, charlotte, nick and I love to hate. I was thinking about the whole thing today and wondered what the fuck are we doing. This guy comes onto our screens and he does nothing until we lie to him and make him do stuff. Then when his fat face does actually do something all we do is take the piss out of him......Genius. I however did think at the same time that its really harsh..........NOT! He is a knob and i hope that this will not be the last we see of him because its really really funny.

Tattoo has started. The main issue of the last few weeks. This thing has stopped me from going out. drinking. Having fun. But i finally got it started on Monday and i have fallen back in love with the massive amounts of pain that you have to go throught to realise a dream (much like watching Tilley). I love it. At the moment it looks like a load of sqiggles but in time it will shape up and show its true form and when it does i will stand and say-

"Yes. I have a tattoo".........thats bollocks, i wont and if i do, kick me in the shins (the worst pain of all).

Pictures come later....gay!
x

First Time......

Its the first time im doing this whole blogging thing. Its a little wierd and actually i dont know if im going to be carrying on too much longer after i finish this one....

Im not really sure why anyone would want to do one, as i type into my new blog space. Its a bit like assuming that people might want to read it which in that sense would assume that you actually think your intresting.....fuck it, i am interesting lol.



Sorry for the searing and bad spelling. I love swearing it is litterally one thing i love to do. oo look im starting to be all like a blogger, typing typing typing....lol now that i look back over the small amount i have actually written i kinda notice that i sound like a bit of a wanker. IM not i promise, and when i say im not well i kinda am.

This is certainly something that is going to take some time to get used to so i think for now i wil stop and carry on another day when i have something important and relative to say!