Hear Yee Hear Yee!!!!

I have lost my job.

Not in a manner in which I could find the fucker again, like I have shoved it down the side of the sofa like a packet of discarded Quavers, no Nokia the massive cock sucking finnish loser heads have made me redundant!!

I sounded pretty annoyed there, however, in one way I am because I really put alot of work into my job and tried really hard to get as much out of it as I could. Yeah ok I stayed off some days when I shouldn't have and yeah I was late.....most days. But when I was there and on time I worked bloody hard and even would take work home on the weekend so that I wasn't behind when Monday crawled up. Im not intending on moaning on for the post about the wankers but I will say that I didn't think it would have effected me the way it did. I genuinely felt upset which I am surprised at. The one thing out of it all however is that seeing the other guys when they found and how upset people were I think that is what actually hit me the worst. Im not particularly close with that many of the team however when I saw how it effected them I honestly and truthfully felt sorry and annoyed for them .

Thats all im gunna say about it however all the other correspondents I send to "The Phone Fuckers" ill keep you informed. At some point newspapers and hopefully headlines will come but ill show you the letter before hand muhahha!!

In other news..... Mumford and Sons album rocks! Like not a little bit, like, alot! I loved their released songs they have Lion Man and I couldn't for the life of me remember what their names were. Kitty to the rescue. So along to HMV I ran (drove.... of course) and purchased a copy. MINT!!!!!!

Now comes the hidden tomato in my chicken salad sandwich.

The disguised anchovy on my pizza of life.

The lead singer looks like a fucked up love child of Sloth and Buzz, big fuckin chin, Lightyear!!

I mean come on man!! At least warn us before we go onto youtube and look you up for your video.

I swear I felt genuinely annoyed. Shunned. Cheated. Other very descriptive words that mean totally pissed!! Their songs and the music rock. They are a total breath of fresh air to the normal drab and predictable audio vomit that is coming out of the music industry at the moment.

"Ella ella, ehh ehh ehh ehh"...... Cunt!

So I have listened away to them for the last 1 week and I think lion man is soon to be my getting ready song or maybe even promoted to, song just before work..... song. An accolade that not many a singer or and has had the joy of experiencing. So go ahead and have a listen and tell me anyone that doesn't take a sharp breath in when you see the singer for the first time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lk1wkbWI6I

m So what the hell am I going to do for money now the phone twats have gotten rid of us. I have no idea really. I think im going to ask the government give me back some of my tax that I have been paying to them since forever. Yes, finally ill be going on the rock and roll. That won't be enough of course so I will have to get a job at some point but what, I just don't know. Lets see what happens. It all happens for a reason so im sure that however it turns out it will be for the best and something good will come of it.

If not there is always Jager!!

P.s. BooBooKitty....your not boring. Shut up! Or ill make you cook for me and you know you wont like that!!

Dunno, can't think of one!

Well, that time of the year again when I feel the need to type and chronicle the hapless achievements of my dull existence.

Certainly didn't want this entry to start off all moody but ive typed it now and I always feel like I should leave what ive typed in the first place. Busy busy busy at the moment. Work is a hell of a lot of work and sometimes I feel like it's only myself and a couple of other people ever doing anything. I try and get away with as much as I can but still..... come on everyone get your arses into gear and do some fucking work you bunch of lazy tards!! However it is soon to be crimbo so im sure after that gets over and done with everything will return to normal and I will be able to skive just like everyone else.

Uni is looming over me and although im really looking forward to it in some ways I am also thinking ,

"what the fuck!! what if i cant do it?what if i don't understand it?"

It's really scary going back to school. Im sure I will be fine but you never can be too sure what it's all going to entail. As long as I find one person on the course that I can have a laugh with ill be happy. And i get to buy more statonary which, as of yet, I have found no other person that doesn't love buying a new pen or a brand spanking new book. Yey!!

I feel like i haven't blogged in ages, mostly because I haven't but I kinda feel guilty for not doing it lol. Any hoot. I suppose if there was going to be a blog title for this entry it would have to be of an arty nature. This past couple of months has been consumed and engulfed by arty farty stuff. I have been taking some pictures here and there of people and just everyday stuff. Just for myself really I dont even feel the need to show them really just to work on them myself. I suppose when I have done the next batch i'll show some, however, I know full well that they wont mean anything to anyone else and actually im not sure what they mean to me, if anything at all. I watched a couple of doc's about some photographers and artists a while back and one of them that sprung out to me was this guy called William Eggelston, as I write this i think I remember actually talking about him before and adding pictures too but as it is I cant stop thinking about some of the pictures he took. Not even in a pretensious way, but I just cant. Anyway instead of bullshitting, oo actually!! now i think of it, last night I watched one about Anish Kapour. Ive never really been that fussed about sculpture, and im still not really, but watching this doc about the things he had created, it was amazing!! The diffrent peices he created and put up was out of this world. The size and the type of matrials he used are things I had never seen before. Check him out and just look at the size of some of the things he put up. Mint!!


Scully dided the other day! Not cool. Although she was a cat I wouldn't want any aniaml to go through pain. Real shame because she was always good for a laugh (at). Im sure she will be happy in kitty heaven where only froggas hang from the ceiling and the only thing on tv is the cat food channel. So instead of having scully Cheeser got Bumble. Bumble by name bumble by nature. Thick as a shop full of cement. I will post another day about how I find this one but it's not looking good. However it did take me a few years to like the other one so we will see what happens.


Loving=
-True Blood
- The Family
- The Winter
- Fat Pants
- Big fluffy Jumpers
- Big Big Cups of Tea With Chocolate
- Wearing Big Coat

Not Loving So Much=
- The Thought Of A New Year
- Uni (The Thought)
- Having Go To Dentist


Mum isn't so happy at the moment. She is having some issue's with her weight and some other things that keeps getting her down. Elliott spoke to me the other day and had said she had spoken to him and she was saying some really upsetting things to him so much so that he was worried alot about her. It's so shite knowing that she is not doing so well and we can't do anything to help her. She gets really depressed and stuff, I knew that, but still you just wanna be able to help her and make her cheer up. It plays on my mind everyday and now and then gets on top of me. However I have a plan, haha, most likely to be put in place after crimbo but I reckon it could work. A bit of blackmail i think shoud work because other than that I have no idea what else I can do.


Bit of a disjointed blog this week but I suppose it is indicative of how I am at the moment. Taylor(mate from back home) is having a kid! Thats like me getting a cat......fucking crazy!!
Why would someone like him have a kid. He wont be able to afford it. He doesn't know enough about himself no matter trying to find out how to look after a kid. Just you wait, one day I will be skiving from work and on he will walk to speak to Jezza about it.....you watch!!

Finally It's Started

I realize I only posted yesterday but I thought I must get this down in the annuals of the tinternet. I have finally enrolled in uni. Well, it's my access course to get onto the undergrad course but still, I have made the move and got my arse slightly into gear.

It's something that for some reason I was scared of doing. Ive never really been the clever one at school and I find people who are very brainy slightly intimidating. Not in the gay "im a pussy kinda intimidating" more in the fact that I don't want to look like the thick one of the class like I did for most of my time in business studies. I hope that things will be different in the mature world of higher education and that they wont frown on me for asking the stupid questions.

I suppose at least if anyone does take the piss I have the life skills and knowledge of going to newcastle college for 4 years to be able to intimidate them enough so they urinate in their own shoes. Well done me and I hope I like it. I really honestly do hope I like this because if I don't I think im gunna be fucked up a bit!!

So im doing as im told by Kitty. Here is my contribution. I hope it lets you get to know me better. LSD hearts Kitty!!

Five people I hope are eaten by a rabid pack of Velociraptors

1. The person that made the music for the Lloyds TSB ad.

2. Mr Mullins- He was my old PE teacher. He didn't like me at all and always made me wear the "Spare Kit"

3. Freddy from Big Brother

4. Any and all people that use the headphones that come with your ipod. YES!! I CAN hear YOU!!!! TWAT!

5. Tim Westwood. I mean really, what is that all about.

Five drinks I love:

1. Jager and redbull-of course

2. Bisongrass vodka and apple juice

3. Pomegranite juice and ice

4. Perrier water and ice.

5. Tea

Five favourite quotes:

1. "Kick his ass seabass" - Dumb and DUmber

2. "Little bit of lightning a little bit of thunder" - Dog

3. "Not as green as I am cabbage lookin" - My nana.

4. "If the milk turns sour, do I look like the kinda pussy to drink it?"- Lock Stock

5. "Shakin like a shittin dog"- Doddsey my best mate.

Five things to do before I die:

1. Have a job I love with qualifications behind me.

2. Find someone that I can sit in silence with and still feel content.

3. Trek to the rainforest and see birds of paradise. Take photos and get back alive.

4. Get a full tattoo back piece.

5. See gorillas in the wild and follow them for a month.

Five famous men I’d also like to do naughty things to:

1. Travis Barker

2. Benji Madden

3. Preston

4. Ryan Gosling

5. River Pheonix- in stand by me. Child hood crush which im keeping.

Poland Pics and Something Wrong!

So the wrong part of this post is the last image. This only cements why cat owners are all crazy. If not yet thy will be !!!

Salute! Im A Geordie! Air Guitar!!

The title are the three things we had to do before we took a drink at my brothers stag do on Saturday night.

Ill start here as there has been a few things going on since last I posted but this one is fresh so ill go with it. Off we went to Bonny Scotland for drinks paintball and strippers. Met up after a long train ride which I did with a hangover (not a good idea). Straight over to the paintball site where we got done up in overalls and told that if we took off our masks and got hit it's our fault when we either lost an eye or died. Courage at this point is shooting through my shoes, being a paintball virgin.

SO into paintball we went and actually it did hurt but I have felt worse things so I'm happy to say there were no tears. Then came the fun part, the stag run! The stag(my bro.) and his best man had to run between two specific points and back again whilst all 12 of his party shot at them. He was in pain and you could say not over the moon that he was now peppered with bruises. Great! However the fact that we had dressed him as a turtle didn't help the fact that we couldn't take his pain seriously.

After entirely ruining his body on the outside we ruined his body on the inside with a game of Ring of Fire or Kings. Drinking game in which each card has a meaning but the king means that you have to put a certain amount of booze into one cup and this happens until one person picks the last king and has to neck the whole thing. Very dirty but very funny as it always gets people hammered. A must for when we all get out for drinks together in the near future. We all got fairly hammered and went out on the piss. Drinks and fun later Dad went home on the bus for some strange reason to his hotel and off we went to the strippers. Now i have been in many strip joints i my life, this one however was a bit of a shite whole. It was good and cheap so I wasn't complaining.

We all sat around for a while and decided that it was time to humiliate the stag. £20 of everyone allowed us to show him a good time. Into the back room. Down to his boxers and before he knew it he was dancing on a pole in the middle of the room while all the other lads had lap dances. Next part of the fun was him on all fours with a belt around his neck and barking like a dog.

Next was get whipped by 2 eastern block birds with one of the guys belts.

And last but not least get a bottle of Peroni up his arse!! Now that's what I call a stag do!

Back to the house for a few more beers until finishing around 4 am. Problem was that we had to leave and I had to get a 5.5 hour train the next morning at 11 am. Not good so don't do it kids.

So overall a great day and night. That leads me to where I am now to sitting in my bed feeling tired and a little ill after asking for the day of through to going out too much.

Next on the list would be that I had my tattoo updated. I did say that I would post every time however I think I may have missed 1-2 posts so ill just start again from here. This new part for is for my nana and I also had some more of the tree filled in. Its taking it's time but now I have some good hors coming on it so I think it should start picking up in development soon.

Also went to the tattoo convention the other day with Andy one of my mates from the hostel. It's obviously a bad bad idea to go to one of these events as all you do afterwards is exit feeling the need to cover your entire body surface with pictures and emblems. I love tattoos and I will be getting so many more but I know what I'm like that once I get hooked into something I go at it full throttle. I don't want to do that with tattooing at the moment as I don't want to regret anything I have done. Soon. The next one will be soon I can feel it!! lol.

I had my interview with Nick for the BBC doc that Cheeser and Kitty arranged. It's very exciting thinking that you might actually be on and that people will listen to. I answered all my questions well up until the point where he asked me if I had any piercings down below. My answer........."I would never mess around with putting metal in my ......Winky"

WINKY!!!!!

What the fuck is your major malfunction private pile!! WINKY!!! I sounded like I was on some sort of sex education program fro 12 year old. Fucking WINKY!!!! I had been listening to Adam and Joe just before hand so you can blame them for this total lack of sanity. Fucking winky!!!!! What a twat!!

I have also found a couple of pics from the Poland trip that we went on for glenns wedding. I loved every minute of it and will not forget this as being one of the best weddings ever! ALso went pretty well as a lads weekend for me and Ralph as-well!! The pictures I hope explain themselves....... actually upon reflection they totally don't so I think i'll leave it that way. Looks like i cant add them in due to too many pics so ill do 2 posts for this one.

The first mobile blog

So this is the first mobile blog I have ever done. I will now take
you, the reader, to the moment in time when I realised how very very
dangrous listening to Adam and Joe Really! Is.
Listening to their new cast this morning they were talking about
using Vaseline on their noses when on aeroplanes to stop germs going
into your body. This then leads on to joe saying lathers himself in
the stuff to stop all over body chafeing.
The next stop along the journey in both tube land and blog land Adam
starts doing a voice of germ saying-

"oh my god. We cannot enter his body! His orrifices are covered in
jelly ahhhh! "

This on it's own was funny. ..... However..... Right at the point of
him doing funny voice,which sounds like a noise that would come out of
a Mexican style Fagen from Oliver twist, I clock eyes on the guy in
front of me who looks exactly like a person who would actually speak
like that.

I uncontrollerbly did that kinda rasbery noise with my lips and
deposited a medium amount of spit into the tube air.

I looked around. People had noticed. I looked shocked and embarresed
however still chuckeling to myself whilst looking at this guys face

hahahahahahaha I just did it again hahaha.

Damn you A n J !!!!!

Chest Out, Lips Pert and.......CAMP!!!

On the couch in the warmth and feeling alot cleaner than I have all weekend.

The weekend brought Camp Dan. Cheeser finally got her wish of making me do something for my birthday. Im not a person for doing things for my birthday. I'd far rather just have pub and friends and a good laugh. However failing that, camping would be the next best thing. I love camping and we thought this would be a good idea. It was. We had many good laughs and no major upsets due to putting up tents and or having booze. Yey! I finally met Faff's mum which was wicked as she is a total hoot and gave me a great birthday present of a full english in the morning.

So I dropped Cheeser off at her dad's so they could catch up and drove round to get some gas for the stove. I had made a beef and guiness stew the night before which I actually did the proper way and left in the oven for like 4 hours. It worked and actually tasted nice. I also made watercress soup, as per Faff's request, this however didn't work out right for the first time. Either it didn't travel well in the flask or somehow a little gremlin crept in there and did little nasty gremlin poops in it before we ate it. Any hoo, got the gas and moved on to get the camp site. For the first time, in my now 25 years of being on the planet, someone pointed out that I have my birthday on a bank holiday weekend. I have never in my life noticed this and when booking a campsite in southern England it's definitly something that shoul dbe kept in mind. I called so many people on soooo many campsites with them just to say that they only do a 3 night minimum and if we wanted just one night then we would have to call the same day. SO the same day came. I called. We got in. Yey! So while Cheeser was with her dad having dinner I drove along and booked the site. And reserved our space on the campsite.

Picked up Cheeser and we went back to put up the tent.

Now putting up a tent is never going to be some sort of fun process. I hate putting up tents and then to try and remember how to put the bloody thing up in the first place is a task in itself. AFter many looks and walks around the canvas it was all up and before long we were sitting in front of our new work of art and sipping on a nice cold brew. Lovely. Thats heaven. Outside with warm weather and nothing to do other than sit and chat and get drunk. It's so nice to get out of london and do something just a little different, and, it's soo cheap. It was only £5 per person per night.

After sitting and a little chit chat Faff and James came along to drop off tent before Faff went to get her mum and johnnie. Up went their tent and once again we sat, chatted and drank. The night rolled along and everyone appeared. We all had a wicked time just chatting and catching up on everything and anything. Out of anything we could have done, other than pub night out, this was the best option. Thanks to all that came and be assured I had a wicked time with wicked people. Kisses, hugs and a little light leg humping for you all!!!! x x x x xox xox xox

As we all know Big Brother is on. For my sins, I love it. I do however wanna remember this funny little picture in my blog so I don't forget how very very good this likeness really is. So it makes it alot easier if you have seen Night At The Museum. There is a character in it which is an Easter Island statue who calls the night watchmen "Dumb Dumb". As soon as Big Brother came on the likeness became obvious and so I share it with you, the reader, and also to make sure I never forget it lol.

Looks Like.................

I suppose I should also let anyone and everyone in on why I had to make my blog private. It's nothing hugely covert op's-ish , but, I was sorting out a couple of things with it the other day and without me knowing one of the guys from work was standing behind me and was basically reading my blog. Wether or not they knew it or not they were reading some things that I would rather not have shared with anyone at work. As soon as I realized I was felt I needed to was myself to get away the stench of deceit that was washing over me!! How very dare they!!

The Week After The Night Previously...

So that was another morning where you wake up and think why the hell you did what you did.

Once again the scooby gang (James, Faith, Cheeser and me) went out for "1" drink. Faith has her friend from America over. They have been chatting for years and decided that it was time they met. So to ease him into the english way of life we all went to the english early learning center, the pub!

Why I couldn't see it coming from a mile away I don't know but, we certainly allowed ourselves to be guests on the slender gondola of booze and frivolity. AFter the first drink I knew that it was farrrr too tasty for me to ever get off the boat. Then when Cheeser decided to order a pitcher, companioned by all in all 2 doubles to "sex" the drink up slightly, this then confirmed that it was going to be a tasty night for her as well. Drinks drinks drink. Chat and more drinks. It got to the point where the guy had turned the lights on and was pretty much burning two holes in my head from staring far too intensely. I remembered that a couple of nights on the way home that i'd popped into a bar for one last dirty tipple. The Highgate Inn is the fatal name that was never too far away from my thoughts the morning after.

Its great. A real pub that has real people and no drinks menus. If you don't know what you want them piss off. It's open till the owner, a thin drunken Irish man, decides that he has had enough. This still led us being there until around 2.30am or 3am I can't entirely remember. But I do remember drinking rum. I remember talking to a lovely man that we couldn't really guess was gay or not. Then I think we plotted a plan to find out using some well placed comments and stories. I think it worked out he wasn't, to which Cheeser was very happy because he was a very nice young man!

A stumble home did however bring fruits. Cheeser found a hat that she very much liked the look of and wore all the way home. It was placed upon the cranium backwards which of course lent itself to some 90's white wrap jokes. This then led further onto Me taking photos of her doing the white wrap stance of painfully folded arms and an angry face whilst leaning to the side slightly in front of a back lit advertising screen. I think from the small image below you can imagine that this is a very very good look. The day came. I felt terrible but don't regret it and will most likely do it again. No WILL do it again.

So that is the light part of the blog, now your really in for the big stuff. What the F is up with the crap we eat. I have been, over the last few months, amazed by what people class as food now. I honestly have never seen such shite in the freezers as I have now. Please see below and explain who gets off by saying this is food.

IS IT FUCK !!!

Whatever that is is is certainly not animal or mineral based. I mean seriously. I understand that money is tight for everyone and that there are low income families that need to get the most for the least amount of money. I get that I really really do.

However.

Why on earth would you put yourself through THAT! If you don't have that much cash you would want to spend it on, I would say, on things that are going to give you the most amount of nutrients and goodness form the smallest amount of effort and expenditure. That piece of crap up there is only going to give you very very lose bowl movements for the rest of your human life. They shouldn't even be allowed to sell it because people will buy the bloody stuff. I mean what is a turkey roast? Because they have not said where from.

"Yes sir this is the very best and most exclusive product in our new turkey toenail and belly button fluff range. We thought the customers would prefer it if it was actually the same shade as meat so we have added some ribena just for a little colour. We think the result is actually as bad as we could get."

" well done small fat waste of space employee. You have completed your targets for this week. Now as promised here are your tickets to Russia so you can laugh at some radiation victims"

I can imagine that may sound slightly harsh but thats what these people but be like underneath because they have no accountability for what they produce and throw out for people to consume. Bastards I tells ya. Bastards.

Tired. Bed. Finish later.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel bad.

Really Bad.

Drinks.

4am.

Work.

Bad Bad Dan.

I must stop now to finish my chocolate croissant.

H A N G O V E R.

We Beat The Dave's!!!! Oy Vey!!!

The day after the 'days' before. Doddsey (my best mate from back home) has now left to get the train back home. It was a wicked weekend!! It's weird to say in a way but it's sooo cool meeting up after a little bit of time because we have soo much to talk about and there is never a quite moment, even if there is he is one of the few people that I don't feel in any way uncomfortable. We are more than happy to sit, with a beer and a tab and just people watch. I reckon when you can do that with someone without just being a rude bugger then you have found someone that you will know for the rest of your life. Big internet salute to Doddsey. You da man!!

So after many drinks on the weekend around rolled sunday and off to the shops we went to buy many good things to make us feel better about me being hungover and Cheeser feeling tired from her long drive up from seeing friends and dancing to thriller.

-At this point I should let the reader and remind myself that Doddsey does not really get along that well with the Jewish members of our society. He has had prior, and, although he is not that fond he is in no way nasty to them he just would rather have a cup of tea or a pint, if you get my meaning. Just to confirm he is in no way mean or nasty!!-

So off to the shops we went and I wanted to tell Cheeser that I had taken Doddsey around to Hendon and Golders Green to show him the sights and also to show him the areas where alot of Jewish families live. There is a large part of Newcastle that also has a big Jewish community and I wanted to show him the size of the ones in London to give him some sort of comparison. It wasn't like I wanted to give him some sort of unfortunate fair ground ride to watch his blood pressure rise and I could measure the top point to which it reached!

I chose Brent Cross tesco's on a sunday to tell Cheeser this story which as you may be able to imagine was not the best idea as at that point there were many many Jewish people around. I noticed this and said right well we need to think of a code name so I can tell the story without being lynched.

Dave's- That, in my tiny little stupid beer soaked brain is all I could come up with. "Dave's"!

At which point does that ever become some what of a code name that no-one would ever be able to break. I mean they most likely started listening more intensely to find out what a fuckin 'Dave' was!! The story as it happens was that I took him round to see all the many many "Dave's" however forgot it was a saturday and due to religious reason's "Daveish" people are not allowed to do much then. Actually I couldn't have picked a worse day to take him round. I should have just ran him along to Tesco on Sunday and he would have got the idea alot quicker id imagine. Tosser!!

One good thing did come out of the whole experience though. We did beat some of the Daveish ladies to the cheapo tissues in tesco's. Im not sure what it is with lades and tissue's but they love a bit of it. The Daveish ladies however have turned it into some sort of sport or gang warfare situation where they fight for who can grab the most tissues before anyone else. It's like down town L.A in the bog roll isle ( I don't know how to spell "isle", someone please feel free NOT to correct me) when they bring those bad boys out. Sod meth amphetamine being the new drug problem in the UK, tissues are gunna be the next big killer. I have never in my life seen so many boxes of tissues go in one day. However this time the East Finchley massive "like bear showed dem dat weez iz da bosses in dat manerr yeah, BBRRAAPP". We got tissues and we didn't care who knew it. This thus far explains the title to the blog.

Any hoot we got away from that mess and moved on to the rest of the week. Money is slightly too tight to mention at the moment. Not mostly due to the fact that Barclays are total wankers and have no idea how to look after the customers. Im not going into because actually even im bored of it now however it does end up in the fact that I still don't have my debit card after 18 days of waiting. I hate them and all their children and will make sure in the after life that they are made to lick and eat all the chewing gum in the world that has been left under the desks of many a teenagers home room. Wanker, wankers, wankers!!!

Just looking back at my blog and I can only decide that I have just waffled on about total shite for soooo long. I can't imagine why but im sure it's all very good for the soul. I shall carry on.

Im in a very learny kind of mood at the moment. I have been trying to learn more things. Im always watching documentary's anyway, because they are mint and sometimes you do learn things from them. However i've been trying to listen to more music and vary my span of stuff that I listen to. I listen to music all the time and I realized I was tending to listen to the same thing all the time. Nothing wrong with that in any way what so ever, however now is the time. I don't get the feeling to teach myself things too often so when I do I have now figured out that I should grab it with both hands and run. Classical, Jazz, Swing, Country, Industrial, all the many many types of dance that you can get etc etc. RNB is where I stop. Im fully in the knowledge that RNB is music........... but not something I want to find anymore about.

And last I wanted to remind myself how much im enjoying people blogs. Cheeser said it in her blog and I would like to say it in mine. Everyone is soooo interesting and I love having my tea and biscuit or pastry in the morning before starting the real work and catching up on everyone. Even if it's just what you might call ramblings, it's really really not to me. I love reading them and I love the fact that other people do it. Thank you one and all. And big "props" to my breadrin cheeser for getting me to start. x

Good Night and stay safe San Diego

FUCKING...................BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

The title- Big Brother issue. As I gazed upon the small handful of spakwamers that channel 4 had chosen to put on the screen I wondered to myself. (Pause for Tilley style thought process).

They shouldn't have.

I have never been to the BB auditions because frankly I like having a number 2 in private and no one wants to see me in a towel whilst they have there tea and biscuits. However to then turn back to the ingrates they have chosen I start to come to the conclusion that behind the interview and decision making in the BB office are maybe very angry and slightly sexually confused lamas or alpacas (maybe alSpacas), i massively giggled to myself at said point.

Take Bea for instance. I have sworn and shouted at the tv sooo much tonight. Why?! She will never meet me. She may actually not be that real. However she still manages to get my blood boiling to the point of making that old whistle sound that a hob kettle makes.

All she ever keeps saying is she is so into being positive and "ohh maann just be cool and love the earth and like cooll mmaann" and like maybe you should fuck off and eat some soil if you love the earth that much you tree hugging daisy licker. She is just a walking contradiction. Which is something that I have learned to despise. I think mostly because I myself used to do this a fair bit when I was younger and maybe I still do but, I really try and stop myself and look out for it in myself because it's not a good look on people.

Now im thinking that some how I have turned BB into some sort of self examination tool that could be used to better yourself.....actually na bollocks to that.....hmmmm.....or is iiitttt????

Adam and Joe. I love you but I literally could not dislike you more when you make me laugh very loud or sit and giggle like some sort of school girl playing "Doctors and Nurses"-

On the tube.

They say something.

I laugh.

I shrink into my chair because that will stop everyone from looking at me as a fucking mental patient. Its not cool! But then I think if only I could show them what they are missing and that im not crazy im just genuinely listening to something very funny. It has run through my mind a few times, nay, many times, that I could systematically go round the tube letting people listen to the podcast and watch and wait as they sit in rolling fits of laughter. I have not done this yet but I reckon it's not going to take long.

Im losing my hair! I have a balding patch at the rear of my bonse (head). It's not too bad at the moment but it is progressively getting worse. Problem that I have been thinking is what happens when I do! What road do I take? Change the hair style to try and hide it? Buy a hat and never take it off? SHave it all off and look like a thug forever? Run away and hide in some remote outcrop of the nevada desert popping in to the Kitty Ranch to have a nice chat and a pint of jaeger with the resident ladies of the night? The whole thing worries me and weighs on my mind (unlike my hair).

I think I would go hat.

But then I don't want to be that friend who never takes their hat off and thats what he is known for AND you can't wear hats in many pubs and clubs so I would really..................ahh now im just letting it all get on top of me hahaha im going to ride the wave and see what happens.

Not sure why I blogged tonight. I suppose you don't need a reason.

Tired. Bedtime!

Spak-wam!!

This is something that I hope I will read back many years later in my life so that I check that I still have not grown up too much. So the title of this post is a word that was born whilst at Laura's birthday night down in Camden. Once we started talking about Cheeser's life during education it very quickly became apparent that she was a total spacka (of course) and that instead of her spending time in the classroom like all the other "Normal" kids. Her and the rest of the window lickers had to go outside into some sort of special needs wig-wam or "Spak-wam" all passing round some sort of educationally dead "Retard-pipe". Anyway I hope as I remember this when im old and grey ill giggle and maybe feel that once I actually used to make myself laugh.

Ok so after that joy of joy's. Back to what has been really happening in my world of late. The whole uni thing has started to move along, albeit slowly, which is all very exciting.

I have just about sorted the access course that I have to go on that will allow me to get in to uni itself. I am pretty sure now that it's what I want to do and I reckon by the end of the access course I will know for sure that it's something that I would like to go to uni for for. Even if it's not I suppose it's still something good to have on the CV. But I really hope it is something I can settle on.

Back from Poland! Back from Poland and my body has given up. No really. It just up and said

"Right fat cunt! YOu wanna be a wanker and treat me like some sort of loser, then thats fine. GAME ON!!!"

After my body had said these very intelligent words. It gave me a cold, headaches, bad throat, achy bones, bad temper, tiredness. These on their own would be fine however the fact that Ralph got swine flu whilst we were away and had to get the special flu medication I was starting to think that I HAD been slightly harsh to my body. However not happy with just all the above it then throws the curve ball and decides that it's going to give me a cold sore. They are minging!!!!

Didn't entirely know what it was at first as at the same time I produced a lump on the bottom of my jaw the size of a golf ball. I started to think something was up and went off to the docs.

DOCTORS ARE WANK STAINS!!

The doctor in her infinite wisdom turns to me after poking and prodding the lump for 2 mins putting me in table grabbing pain. "Well im not sure what it is so just have a paracetamol". It doesnt get better and actually my throat gets worse so now i cant really have anything but soup. Off to the doctors again.

"Ah well you have a cold sore. However it's infected now as you didn't get it treated early enough (fucking split arses fault), you have a secondary infection. Thats why your glands are up and swollen and you have a very bad throat infection (here comes the money shot....). However im glad you have that gland there. See thats what they are for. They stop any infection getting into your blood stream. If that had happened, YOU. WOULD. BE. DEAD."

..........Im not saying any more.

SO yeah he has now given me the tablets I should of had in the first place and hopefully back to work Wednesday. Time off good. Throat and not being able to eat properly bad!

Poland was grand. I honestly thought it was going to be a shit hol and full of people that hated the english just like every other county we end up in for holidays. However I was totally wrong and actually it's a great place and lovely people. Vodka was without doubt the biggest thing in the holiday. I dont like vodka. We drank lots and lots and lots of the stuff. Its great. I have now secured a website where I can ge Polish vodka to my door and i brought back 4 litres to make sure that when the time comes I can actually have my new best drink vodka and apple juice. I took a few pictures but not many.

Hopefully this will be the entry that I look back on and say that this was the point it all stared. The point in view would be that of starting to look for my family tree. It's something that I got interested in after speaking to my cousin Clark who has been doing it for ages now and has gotten very far I think. It's not some easy decision to do I think because actually it's not that easy of a thing to do. Hopefully by the end Im going to be able to produce some sort of slide show or picture thingy that I can show mum and dad and Elliott to show them the real roots of Mum's side of the family. Clark (cousin) has done all of Dad's side of the family so hopefully i'll be able to steal his stuff and add mine onto it to give a full view and picture of everyone peeps. Very fun and lots of work im sure but to be honest aynthing that stops me from drinking myself into oblivion is a good thing I reckon lol.

Next would be an update on tattoo status. I have't added new pictures for a while so I think ill add the ones I have in a sequence. It's been going slow at the moment, as we have come to expect with Nick. I don't mind it taking longer because I know that in the end he is going to make it look wicked. However I really wanted it finished this year and I doubt that is going to hppen to be honest so im going to ask him if he can start putting longer periods aside for me so I can get it done this year, I wil urt more but it's only while you get it done. After he stops it's fine so I reckon if I can get my ears done the way I have then I can stand to get tattooed for a little longer.

There was a 3rd one but I have somehow deleted it and I really cant be arsed to put it on. However those give you a good idea of what it looks like at the moment.

Birthday soon. Im not a big birthday person. To satisfy the Cheesman and just for any excuse I thought we could go camping for my birthday. Off to the new forest with people coming from near and far to join in the fun with lots of booze and food to follow. I hope it's going to be good. It normally is when you go camping because it's not something you do all the time. And I love the camping goodness. Im not really intending on slumming it so blowup double beds and duvets will be there and I will be making lots of lovely food to take along so that we dont have to have the usual shite that we normally do.

Off now to sleep and watch tv. Read a book for a bit. Sleep. Pee. Sleep. etc etc.

Oh musn't forget. This picture below is to remind myself why on gods good earth that cats do not rule the world and to finally decide the age old issue of dogs are better.

I mean seriously what the feck is that!!!

Tattoos,Tattoos,Tattoos

Once you pop you just cant stop, as the saying goes. I swear once you start to get one or 2 good tattoos you are totally hooked.

Im starting to get worried for myself. The only reason for this is because I know myself and I know that I have the will power of a crack head. Everytime I see a nice peice of artwork or something that I think I could get as I a nice tattoo I start getting the "tatt-iches"or "tattiches" (this is totally a word, now!) Off to work I go and stop at the petrol station. A guy gets out of his van and has a wicked sleeve of bright colours and skulls etc. .....I just stood and tried to get the best look at it that I could. It didn't hurt that the chap was pretty good looking but the tattoo was the main thing I was looking at. I get backin the car and start to drive. However anyone who drives knows that it's maybe the best time that you will ever have to yourself to think and chill out and just kinda....daydream. So I start thinking where i can get more and what id get and what they would look like and how I can get the money together etc etc etc.

At this point I pulled myself back and thought, well, the next one I will be getting will be after my sleeve and it's going to be the one that me and my best mate back home, Doddsey, are goingto have together i.e.-

So the above is something we both really like. Its a mexican candy skull that is normally made around the day of the dead celebrations in Mexico. The can symbolize loads of different things but for me it's about being long term mates and in Mexican history they can be used for pushing away unhelpful and evil omens, certainly for me its for keeping away those mates that we have all had that say one thing and do another. The ones that are your mates for years then shit on you when their chips are down. It's certainly not meant to be some sort of morbid skull that means death and moodiness.

I love the flowers in the eyes and the really really bright colors. I know its gunna look wicked. Im thinking im going to get it at the bottom of my back and have some roses each side to signify some other people aswell. Its all very deep !!! lol. I don't mind actually when people ask why you have this or why you have that because if you wanna do it then fucking do it and I think getting something that is going to be on your body for the rest of your life really will remind you all through your life what you were thinking at that point in your life.

So onto things that are really, REALLY important. Me and the cheester are doing a Buffy marathon. I never really totally forgot how good it was but I certainly forgot how much I fuckin love it!!! It's soooooo mint!!!!

Hahaha, I told my dad that we were going to watch "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" ages ago. I spoke to him the other day and he comes straight up out of the blue and says....

"Dan? Do you still watch that crap program?"

"Most likely! Which program?"

"You know that one....."Pussy and the sledgehammers!!??"

Haahaha. If that is not something that only a Dad could come up with I dont know what is. I love shit like that. How can the human mind work that it could come up with something so totally opposite.

The next main topic in my very exciting life at the moment would have to be. Big Brother. I know it's so very very sad by normal day standards but I fuckin love it. The point in question has to be SHREE!!! This guy is such a total and utter fuck -face- tit- wank- tosser. He is sooo greasy. The point of the guy escapes me. He walks around the house, going to all the different girls asking for their sympathy then goes to the guys and says they are all wankers and swears at them...THEN..... goes into the diary room and starts complaining about everyone in the house swearing and saying THEY are the ones that have no "Respect".

So after all that excitement I must have a cup of tea and another ice pop.

Tougher Than A Woodpeckers Nose!!

Its been a long long long time since I have graced the white pages of this here blog. I have been a busy little "camper".

Well actually have I really been that busy....im not sure, however, I have been on holiday. So we went off to Italy. Ralph, one of the guys from work, has a family place over there and it was amazing. SO so so nice and relaxing which is exactly what i was looking for. Altogether it was me, Ralph, Subz and Robin who of which is the store manager. I suppose it's not something I would have thought of doing before (going on holiday with your boss), however it was actually ok. We all kinda had the same expectations of the trip and that's exactly what we got. Chilling, food and lots and lots of beer. I swear i have never had sooo much beer in such a short time period. THe first day between us we had something like 120 bottles of lager..... not good. Although the strange thing is that I had nowhere near the same kinda hangover that i get over here. It's like the old geezer that runs the churches over there..... poppy or something they call him. It was like he had blessed it himself..... very nice indeed so we took full advantage.

This beer onslaught was however after Robin, the boss, took it upon himself to fall down a great dirty hole at the side of the road before we had even reached the house. We stopped on the 2 hour journey from the airport to the house at a lay-by to have a piss and a fag. As we walk a little away from the car into a grassed area to have a wee wee, im talking to subz and turn to talk to robin and ....... he's........ gone!! I look around and then hear subz go to his knees and shout afetr robin. We all walk over and look down this 7-8ft hole to see the top of robins head (every time a car went passed) shining in the midnight light of Italian fog lamps. There had happened to just be a huge hole in the grass which he happened to find all by himself. hahahahaha well after getting him out i nearly pissed myself laughing and actually we all had to lean on the car to stop from falling over with hilarity. What a cock!!!

So after hols it was back to reality. And also back to Miranda after her op. It was all very exciting to see her and to check she was all ok. Actually there isn't that much to say because she was just really tired through lack of real scran and I had to learn the finer points of straining cuppa soup every now and then for her little treat lol. Things seem to be all good and im sure things will only get better.

Tattoo! The next installment has happened. Actually since I last posted there has been 2. I will put on in now and the other at the end of this post but that will be tmrw because I cant be arsed to get out of my warm bed to take the pic. The first one is the soil and the floor of the forest scene. It was a kinda mish mash of ideas and actually it doesn't really look like anything at the moment but I can assure.... myself..... that it will do. And now looking at it I think people must look and imagine that im going to look like some sort of mental tree man or something but I have all faith in Nick at the shop, he WILL do me proud.

The date!! So I suppose the one big thing that happened as well was going out on a date. I met this guy on a site a while ago and we decided to meet up after many nights of chatting on msn and emails. I said we should go to soho because he had never been before and actually this was kinda his first time with a guy, so he said.

We met up and although I had seen a picture of him I thought he was going to be a little better looking than he was but anyhoo he wasn't a troll and im no oil painting myself so off we went to the american diner on carnaby street. Sat down and the chat was flowing and so to were the drinks. We ate and then I said lets go and get pissed. We went into soho and started drinking through the hours.

Now comes the bit where I start getting a little suspicious. He had said at the beginning of the night that he HAD to get the last train home and that I should remind him. SO I did a couple of times and he said yep yep thats fine. So it got to like 1:30am and I now knew we were either going for a hotel or back to the flat. Couldn't get a hotel so off to the flat we went. Got back to the house and off came the kit and we dived into bed. Now up until this point we have not kissed as I realy wasn't getting the vibes that he wanted to public. Any hoot one thing leads to another and well lets just say that I very much doubt it was his first time.

To add to my already mounting issues with the boy. He was loud. Like really loud. To the point the cheester heard it, which is a small miracle because she sometimes has problems hearing herself. So that kinda annoyed me too and then he just got up and said he needed a drink and walked out the room and round the flat stark bolloko. I was like-

"you know my flat-mate is in"

"Yeah"

"So put some clothes on you dingleberry"

"Oh yeah..haha"

(I at this point was neither laughing or horny so his fate was pretty much sealed from here on in).

So I went off for hols and thought id let him down when I got back. He had been texting throughout the time and so I thought id say that I had got back together with an old boyfriend and I was really sorry that it happened like this and I would never had gotten in touch with him if I thought it could happen. I thought this was a nice way of being let down and definitely a way I would like to be dumped when the time came later in life.

OOHHHH well the little shite starts giving it big licks saying things like -

" oh well thanks. Ive come out to family and friends because I thought we were going to see more of each other now I look like a total dick! Why did you bother getting in contact" etc etc etc.

I sir was not a happy chappy. But I suppose I feel like I did the right thing so I can live with that.

Tired. I leave now.

Little Bit Thunder. A Little Bit Of Lightning.

So to the main title. Whilst watching an episode of "Dog The Bounty Hunter". The joy of the man came to the forefront when he leaves the office and looks straight to camera, after decideing that the 60 pound crack head that they are after is going to be a "Brawler"....and says-

(Lifting his right hand)-

"A little bit of thunder"

(Lifting left hand)-

"A little bit of lightning"

OH FUCK YEAH!!!!!! I mean seriously, where does this guy come from. I fucking love the man. From his bad eighties hairdo and the feathers. To his steel capped cowboy boots. He is just a legend. Which then leads me on to the fact that I am seriously lookng into getting thunder and lightning tattooed on my wrists. I really wanna get a tattoo that is just fun and has no meaning at all. ALl my others ones are really going to be deep and meaningful and i just want one that I can just look at and laugh because its so very pointless. And what better way is there to be able to have such an instant injection of hilarity than "The Dog". You da man Dog!!!

Eurovision! Its coming up. Saturday is the day. This is the most I think I have ever looked forward to one....EVER! I have no idea why. Actually scratch that I do know why. Because I love the chance to laugh at all the people that get on there and think they are actually any good. Hahaha im giggling as I write this because I know they are going to be so, hide behind the can of fostersbad, that I can hardly contain myself. Some people are going to come round for drinks and a laugh so I hope its gunna be good.

So the cheester has started her countdown to the 'OP'. The diets have started and the situation is becoming a little more real everyday. It's a mssive thing to be going through and I hope I can help as much as I can, which is most likely going to be in the form of cooking the weird bloody diet she will have to have, hugs and maybe even talking to her for periods of time.....god life just throws such curves balls at you some times! She WILL be fine and I knows it.

I have been in a mental roundabout the last few weeks. Ive been really down or in "dying duck" mode for the last month. Totally unlike me to be down for soooo long. Its normally a day maybe two then im done. This one however has been a long one. Work and my career and what im going to do with my life has been the main crux of the issues but hopefully now im starting to make some headway with it all. The rest is some family stuff but I really don't wanna run through all that because...well...I don't. Yet!

I have been looking into the whole clinical psychology thing and it looks really good. However its going to take a shed load of work and is something that im going to have to be really sure on before I take the leap of faith. Problem is im sooo fuckin bad for changing my mind im not sure what to do for the best. Then again its something that I have come back to aain and again when thinking what to do with my life. I did it with chefing and that worked ou well. I didnt do it forever but I still got to a point I was happy with. So im still not sure but im looking into and maybe.....I might become a dirty little student one day.

I Love The 90's

Busy, busy, busy. Ive had a busy few days and now im glad to be sitting on the couch watching clueless which has quickly followed a good girly fantasy childrens film so all in all im a very happy boy.

So to the reason that I have a busy weekend. On friday I got my new car.

As you can imagine im very very happy. Actually we got a really good deal for it and it also meant that I could trade in the other one, therefore giving me the peace of mind that I didn't have to sell it to someone who may notice that it was faling apart and leaking like some sort of water boiler post hedgehog fucking. The car is a joy to drive and it doesn't hurt that it's fairly quick. This however does make me worry as 30mph seems very very slow. But im glad that now I can enjoy a nice drive for no reason. I love just chilling out in the car and having a good drive around. It does the mind good.

The tattoo has also started moving along. Nick got a fair bit done last week which is the piece for my Gran. She as kids we were never allowed deep fried chips. Sooo when we went over to grans the first thing she would do is put on the fryer and dish up some fresh fried crinkle cut chips in a basket. This was a treat!!! So this is the reason for the new installment on my arm and im really happy with it actually. I started to have worries when I first saw it but actually you have to look at it for a while before you can actually tell that it is chips.

The main problem im having is stopping myself from thinking of more and more tattoos that I want. I have said that I want one of charlie (my nephew) and that me and Doddsey from back home are going to get one together as well. But I know that it will not stop there. I want so many that I can hardly contain.

And to the title. I have discovered my massive love for the 90's. It such an overlook era. Most people are like "wish I was in the 60's for flower power and drugs" or "yeah the 80's were so revolutionary". Well fuck you !! The 90's were cheesy and cheap but more over it was the time for films like Clueless and the music of Blur. They were smiley times with no politics and even less educational needs. Bring the 90's into the cool . This is my new mission.

Boy. I have finally started chatting to a boy that has a sense of humour and has actually managed to make me laugh and have the same interests as me. This to the uninformed is no mean feat as all the boys I have spoken to previously have said hello then asked for me to turn on my webcam or something along those lines. The new boy however has a mind and can actually make converstaion. So nothing major yet but we will see what happens.

We went to Bernies last night for a BBQ. As per usual there was enough meat to feed a medium sized community of overweight cannibals. Drinks were a plenty and it was really nice to catch up with some people that I haven't seen in ages. I always end up feeling very bad about not meeting up with people enough but when we do its always a good time. Well done to everyone for a good night !! And thankyou to Bernie for the reason to meet. x

I have a bad few weeks ahead at work due to a couple of things but im sure they will be fully documented on here. Roll on the month of the moan.

Sun, Sun, Sun!!!

Its been a busy few days and certainly busy since the last time I posted. So grandad passed away and I went back for the funeral on Thursday. The actual service was on Friday but I needed to go back and sort some things out before the service. Funerals are a sad occaision but normal, or certainly at least in our family, the wake can end up being a pretty damn good knees up.
So Friday rocks around and everything goes very well. All the right things are said and everyone has a few tears and then a few smiles to follow them. We moved from the church straight to the pub for food and many beers. Grandad loved his "Pop" ad we all certainly lived up to it for him if not only by ending up singing at my mus ouse whilst waiting for more drinks. It was fun and most definitly the best way that I could say bye. So, Bye, Love Ya x x

Onto pastures more green. I have bought another car. I havent really had the one I have for that long really but, Ihad a crash when I was younger and I need to really feel safe in my cars now. I have had some things happen in my car that im not happy with and have made me lose all faith in her (Sorry Bethy, thats the cars name of course). So I spoke to family and they have spoken to people they know back home and we have found one. Its a BMW, WOW!!! I now own a BMW. Cant believe it, but I no feel safe and its something that can last years and years. Im very happy.

I have also been having some very serious and boring thinks to myself for the last 3 weeks on what the fuck im going to do with my life. I have enjoyed jobs more thanI am enjoyng Nokia at the moment however I can bare it for many a more months. This is however not something that im intending on doing for the rest of my life. I have always been interested in photography but this doesn't give me any job security in my eyes. The one thing that I keep coming back to and have done for years now is Psychology. I have breifly looked into it before but I am going to really spend some time looking into what would need and also what I could end up doing in the end. I have always liked the idea of a job in this kinda vein and now I hope after looking into it I might find the answers I need. Then I start thinking to myself "stop changing your bloody mind and do something definite", but I dont think I would be able to make a full and proper living out of photography with the motivation I have for it. SO lets see what hapens and maybe soon I will post that I am starting a degree.

Not having the internet sucks. Not like some sort of viral epidemic or something trivial like that but really really fuckin sucks. Mum and Elliott dont have the net and so they ask you questions and wonder about things but then you cant just pop on the ne and find out. But ohhhhhh no. YOu have to wait! Wait I say!! It's a fuckin ding dong!! Anyhoot I am back now and having joy reading everyones posts and catchin up on whats been happening with my latest porn interests.

Fom Kitty to cheeser and now to me. I hope I canget through it.


1. My uncle once: Tried to sue my mum (his sister). He is, unless it wasn't clear.....a Cunt:).

2. Never in my life: will I ever have to make an excuse to a girl for not being able to perform due to the fact that I like men.

3. When I was five: I decided that a good game to play was the "lets through mud at the wall right next to the masive 2 patio doors" this was not a good game and theyboth shattered to peices.

4. High School was: a minefield of trying to find the best ways of gaining cool points.

5. I will never forget: having a real shave for the first time.

6. I once met: Rab C Nesbitt. He is my hero!!.

7. There’s this girl I know who: Pumps make me laugh everytime.

8. Once, at a bar: I drank a shot of liquid. It looked like lime cordial.....it was not lime cordial

9. By noon, I’m usually: Singing a funn song in my hed at my desk to try and stop myself from falling asleep.

10. Last night: I had a chinese with my family and loved every minute of it.

11. If only I had: Will power. Life would be so much easier and healthier.

12. Next time I go to church: I may actualy try to sing the songs out loud.

13. What worries me most: Being a single lonely old queer, that sits in bars and just stares at the boys going past .

14. When I turn my head left, I see:Sister Act on the Tv. 2 plates with crusts on, a clone trooper, polish, a bin, pens in a cup.

15. When I turn my head right, I see:Jesus tin, books, books, books, chucky and his bride.

16. You know I’m lying when: Get fucked, if I told everyone that id have no bloody friends.

17. What I miss most about the eighties: Macgyver andbeing able to go to the toilet anywhere (When I was a baby)

18. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: The skull from hamlet. Only so I could start talking half way throgh and ruin eveyryones night.

19. By this time next year: I hope im happy within myself and have a career path.

20. A better name for me would be: Dannington. Really I would love that name.

21. I have a hard time understanding: Why I like donor kebabs when I know what is in them?

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: Set fire to the spare PE kit box. THat shit should be reported to the fuckin NSPCC for making kids wear that.

23. You know I like you if: I give you a nickname.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: The person that helped me get there. Then my mum.

25. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Sound like words that I may have asked to be called whilst in the throws of passion .

26. Take my advice, never: have weetabix without sugar or cold.

27. My ideal breakfast is: A fry up with massive cups of tea. Pomegranite juice and a good friend enjoying the same. ]

28. A song I love, but do not own is: Mysterious Girl- Peter Andre ( Yeah Boi!!)

29. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: You stay away from Pizza Pizza. Go to the rope swing I used to spend hours on as a kid. And go shooting for rabbits which you then prepare and eat.
30. Why won’t people: Get my jokes everytime!

31. If you spend the night at my house: We will have take out. Play guitar hero and most likely laugh alot.

32. I’d stop my wedding for: Very little. Its my day so god help anyone fuckin with it.

33. The world could do without: Eastenders. Its depressing and dull and should be band.

34. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Ever having to clean someones burst abcess again......

35. My favorite blonde is: Dog The Bounty Hunter

36: Paper clips are more useful than: Tonsils. What the fuck are they for?

37. If I do anything well, it’s: Listen.

38. And by the way: Girly fantasy children films are the best thing in the world.


Shit. That took a hell of alot longer than i thought it would. But glad ive done it.