Grrrr. Questions!!

The best way for me to look back on my thought process is to get it down on paper so the ramblings that come forth with should be noted, that, they were made late on a week during exams.

So of course Im still dealing with the belief or lack there of in religion, faith etc. I have been downloading alot of lectures and discussions between many different figure heads of the field of science, theology, atheism, philosophy and i suppose Mr Joe public, to help be answer some questions ad also to throw up some at the same time.

Spank my ass and call me Buddha. it's like living life as a box of pringles. Someone seems to take away a question I may have had only to be given another and repeat. I'm like some sort of theology debate pot head that really loves to get that discussion high. I found myself entering into this journey with the vast and substantial belief that I do not believe in god that that religion (at this point I have now decided that there is a valley of difference between the faith and religion) is the route of alot of very bad events happening, not only in history but of the present day. This was entirely based on the arrogant knowledge that I had playfully gathered at no point making a discerned effort in doing. I have now made the decision to truthfully investigate what my feelings are and also what the rational evidence that I can bring to bear in the inevitable conversation I will have with someone when they ask what my thoughts are with regards to such.

I have recently been looking down the path of morals. I have always wondered why I do the things I do in the way I do them. This can be down to the fact of saying please and thankyou and always making sure that I try to treat people well and not to be mean without having a cause (if there is one that is just enough to warrant such acts). Then of course I come to the line that many will know is based in religion of 'do to others as you would have them do to you'. It's pretty famous and lot of people know it however I always remember mum saying this to me when I was annoyed or when I thought that someone deserved to have there actions noted. This then made me think that this is entirely routed in religion and is a teaching that I have used when I have explained actions I have made to others. I myself have said this to others to alleviate anger or anxiety. I actually hold very strongly that if it were the case that more people held this view, society as every level would be every much improved. , it certainly couldn't hurt at least.

 In a way therefore a  hemisphere of my moral scaffolding was created by religion and therefore for me as a person this can't be a bad thing. I don't think it is a bad thing. However I also think that to say my mum would  not have told me this without her belief in the bible is unfair and does not give her the credit of being a good person solely on the basis of, her being a good person. In some way it makes the assumption that she told me that because she knew the bible and therefore religion has made my life better. I am in slight agreement with this statement to the point that, yes my mum told me this and yes she does read the bible. I don't agree that my mum is a good person because reads the bible. In fact I think my mum is a good person regardless and that she would have instilled in me the right way to live my life as a child on her own without the aid of god in her life.

I also take minor um-bridge to the idea that if my um hadn't told me this then I too would not have had the fortitude of character to make the decision to treat people how i wish to be treated with out my mum telling me this is what should be expected of me. I think that I have certain personal morals that are entirely innate that I follow without the voice of anyone saying that it is the right thing to do. I just do it. So have my morals come from mum, god, culture, interactions in life, maturation of the white parts of my brain? I'm not sure. I think to a degree maybe all of the above. I have experienced them all at some level so surely they must have effected me?!

By damn sure the idea that we cannot have morals without religion is balls. Thats a given. You can have morals from religion but they my not be entirely a given. They are not from the teachings of the bible and only thereof (or any other faith sector). But if they have been so systematically entrenched into our society that they are so unnoticeable to be teachings and are some sort of camouflaged lesson that is given via media, politics, family, advertising etc etc, well, i'm not sure. I hope however to decide.

Sorry? No, your were correct. You're a cunt!

The place I work in has a huge amount of races, types, colours, creeds etc etc.
They are of varied ages.
Sexualities.
Sizes.

Strangely enough I was able to get one of the supervisors into a conversation about politics. A little about sexuality and a little about religion. However at this point she pointed out that she was going to vote for the BNP. Of course, people have their own reasons to why they chose the political parties they follow. She is of course entirely free to do so and I would hate for that to change.

However.

She has "friends" at the store that are black and mixed race immigrants. She has to manage a team that are entirely immigrants. This is important because her entire reason for laying her vote down for the BNP was because, and I quote:

"well they will never get in but at least if I vote then their voice will be heard and they have a better chance of closing the gates and making sure that the ones (immigrants) that are here will get fucking sent back (smile)"

This is a supervisor. She was then amazed when I called her a cunt and said that she should be ashamed. she could not understand why I would feel this way and then proceeded to try and explain why I would feel the same due to the fact that I was white and a student. The part that angered me the most was that when pressed, she had no idea what the fuck any of the rest of their manifesto contained. She had based her entire reason on the fact that she thought that people from other countries were taking our jobs and that that's the reason the economy is fucked because they have taken all 'our' money via the dole system. The idea that she basis an opinion of nothing more than one is bollocks. As I explained to here in full, I thought she should be ashamed of herself for not education herself properly before making a choice in the way she had. She should really and honestly think about what she is doing and what she is saying to the rest of the world by giving these backward, politically correct racists her vote. I also broached the fact that if this was her feeling, then why didn't she have the strength of her convictions to ensure that the people she socialized with at work were not the same people that she would have sent 'back home' if she got her way.

This last point brought me to a question that I felt I had to ask myself. What should I do now? I have found out that this is the way a person that I had previously thought of as a decent person that I had gotten along well with. I have now found out that she is fundamentally flawed in her a character, in my opinion, to the point that surely it falls upon my moral judgement to assess in connection to myself. Should I  in fact have the strength of my convictions and explain I could no longer be friends at work because of the way that she felt towards people I hold, now genuinely, as mates? Even as I write this I am not entirely sure if the way I responded was right. I told her all the viewpoints I held in conjunction with her opinions at the same time realizing that later in that day I will no doubt have to joke along with her. I felt and do still feel like some sort of employed Judas.

I have spoken with one of the other lads at work about it and have decided to sit and wait till I say something. If i do say something it will in no doubt make an argument between me and her happen and therefore the lads as well so I feel that I should have thought about it enough to warrant anything that may occur. I would say that overall I just felt so let down that someone that I actually got along with very well could have such narrow views on the people around them.

Birds Of A Couple Of Feathers

So along the road of Flytying, which I can entirely understand must more boring than maths to other people, I have made a jump into "Feather Marrying" in a bit to make some of my flies look slightly more exciting.
 The idea is that you get a few different feathers. You cut a piece off each side of the wing. Separate some of the barbs. Then marry these up in some sort of sequence with the pieces of the other feathers. The end goal is to make these amazing looking flies that are meant to make fish like salmon pay more attention to them.

As I don't go fishing, although the plans are underway to start at hamstead heath, I am doing these just for some fun and to serve as an adequate distraction from revision. I have head my first go today and although I ran out of room and covered the eye, I am happy enough. Waiting for the next batch of feathers to come so I can make some good looking flies hopefully. 

 The finished fly. This is entirely useless because I covered the eye but hey ho. 

This was the first attempt at making the feather. I was hoping for more colours but the feathers havent arrived yet.

The Two Horseman

For whatever reason, and I truthfully do not know, I have always been interested in religion. The reasons why I have had it in my life, why other choose to follow it. What it has done in the world and for me as an individual and in turn my family.

My thoughts have seriously changed over time. In some respect I imagine that I have become viewed as someone who feels religion is a terrible and vulgar sport that should be banished from our lands. This in some part, is true. However at no point would I ever hold it against someone who has religion in their life as a medium for strength or comfort or in fact, for any reason that they feel they need in order for them to have it in their lives. I suppose now I feel that it is not the individual that i have issues with. It is the overbearing umbrella of societal religion that I find I have difficulty coming to terms with. This is something that I am still having trouble aligning in my head and so the search continues.

This leads me to the reason for the post I imagine. I wanted to not only, put onto paper (electronic or otherwise) the period of my life where I found Christopher Hitchens and although it was some time ago Richard Dawkins.

There was a documentry that was hosted by Stephen Fry a while back when Hitchens died. It was a group of his friends talking about the times in thier lives that they had with him and why they loved im etc etc. It was a really nice way to be introduced to someone who, without exception, has made me engage with a part of my life and thoughts more so than any other person other than my parents. I am not saying that he is the all seeing man that has all the answers. I do not in any way agree with everything he says. I feel that some of his comments/beliefs are not in line with what I think. That withstanding, he has made me think of religion as a beast of overwhelming infection and grip upon not only our society but also on global society. So many acts and utterances that I made were entirely made because of the influence of religion and the way that I was brought up with it, I am not bashing it at this point. I am not saying that I am better or worse off because of it. I am simply saying that it never dawned on me until this point, quite so much, that religion has shaped my character to some degree.
 The way my mum and dad taught me morality, to be a good person as much as you can. Do unto others and you would have done unto your self is something that genuinely sticks with me till this day and a 'philosophy' that I think has a great deal of credence. 

I am not religious. But I have faith.

At the moment the above statement is something that I feel sums my thoughts up well. It is not something that I think will be with me for the rest of my life because I imagine I will change my views along the way. It is also not something, that if i did keep it forever, that I would be unhappy with. Faith to me is entirely tangible. It is the moment I open my mouth and speak the words "hey nana, gimme a hand with this and i'll try harder at uni". It is that moment when you need something or someone to talk to or feel that gives you some kind of extra moxie. For me, i don't think that is god. Or at least it isn't god in the sense that I have grown up with. I still haven't decided so I can't say for sure. I just don't know yet is the overbearing sentence that keeps coming up.

I think that's ok. I do honestly think that to not know and still to be asking is fine. I am fine with it so shit everyone else. In fact I like the fact I am still asking myself the question. Good job! (twat).

In a way this post is a little thankyou Mr Dawkins and Mr Hitchens for helping me to keep asking i suppose. 

Turning Back The Clock

Revision is kicking my arse. It's dull and full of shite.

So I have done wha any other normal self respecting person would do and started to do fly tying again. Random, yes. Boring to some, yes. But I like it so that's all that matters I suppose.

Some of the guys at work decided that they wanted to go fishing. I had the time to have a look and see that there are places that are free and you can go whenever you want. This mad me think of fly tying again. I had done a little bit around a year ago after getting my stuff sent down from mum. It originally started however, when I was in year 6-7. We had a lunch time club with Mr Robson my form teacher. Me and 7 mates would meet in the form room. Bring our materials in and off you go.
 When explaining this to someone the other day however, i realised that if a kid decoded to do this nowadays in London they would most likely get stabbed or at the very least beaten to within an inch of their hoodies (jumpers). But back then, in the north, we had no problems. Non of the kids even battered an eyelid. It was just kinda excepted as being something that people do. Most like their dads or mums when fishing so it was totally normal.

I digress, point of the post was for me to have a place for me to put the pics of things I had done so that when im all old and have real things to do with my life I can look back and remeber the many ways in which i wasted time when I was not so old.

 Damsel Fly Nymph

 Diawl Bach

 Flexi Buzzer 1

 Emerald Bumble (Made this one up so made up a name)

 Hares Ear Spider

 Red Quill

Solider Palmer

To anyone that actually does this as a proper hobby these are gunna look like dog shite but, I suppose you have to start somewhere and back in the day I used to be able to get them looking pretty good. More materials ordered so we will see what happens.

Shoot To Thrill

I have only one sport in my life. Shooting. Ive done lots of other sports over the times and have given them all up but this one has been the only one to carry on going and keep me interested. Maybe due to the fact that I don't have to really do much excercise to partake in the activity might help but that is by the by.

Clays, rough, stalking, target really anything with a gun I love so I took the step to join a gun club and bring my shotgun down. Bisley is the one that I chose to go to and have been super happy with it the whole way. They store my gun there. You get cheaper clay amounts and you can have a lovely cup of tea and a sandwich in the lovely clubhouse which is adorned in game trophies, taxidermy's and lovely leather couches.

It has really given me the choice not to go out drinking. Although I have only been once because of uni and work and revision and now fecking illness. Once I have done the exams I am going to really spend some time up there. I want to really get involved in the comps this time aswell. I did some back home but think that now I have the ability to travel round the country I should try harder. It also means that i get to use my lovely lovely gun:

I don't think I have ever gotten so much fun and enjoyed something so much as i have as this little wee chap. I remember getting my first shotgun when I was 16 (under my dads license)  and moving up in the ranks of the types of shotguns you could get and which ones i preferred and then stumbled upon this. We looked high and low and then spoke to the gunsmith you ordered it in from Italy as he had not ordered them in yet due to them just coming out.
 If there has ever been a time where I have just sat and looked at something in awe it was this. I just sat looking at it. Dismantling it and cleaning it and buying extras etc etc etc.

Now I am looking further. I have started along the route of getting my firearms license and hoepfully this time next year I will be the proud owner of a new rifle. That means therefore I could not only use my air rifle:

It means I could also start along the route of going on my first deer stalking holiday which i have promised to myself for finishing my exams. I'm not really too sure why I started writing about the guns and experience. I think it was mainly because I realised that to go to the range I needed my ear defenders. I also then realised that I hadn't brought mine down from home so needed to get some.I ahve always, since being a kid, wanted some electronic ear defenders (my god this would be boring if you were reading this shit), and the other day i decided to take the leap and get some:

They are basically amazing. I have no intention of saying why because, if by now you haven't already started tying the knots of your own noose then you will if i did. However just to say that it has made me want to go shooting more, i think, than I have in a very long time.

Idiot Hole!!

Some may and some may not know of the issues that have been happening at work. It has been something that has really effected alot of people over the following weeks and it is certainly something that has effected me as I have had to have direct connection with it.

One of the lads at work, around 3 weeks ago, called me out of the blue and said that he had been suspended from work. He had been accused of sexual assault by one of the girls from work and was under investigation.
 As you can imagine this was not a good thing and certainly something that was very serious. 

Basically it works out that she is batshit crazy.

After showing us the cctv it is shown that he goes to put a note in her top pocket of her shirt. He does this. She laughs. Does not move away and carries on with the days work.

However

After this happened she then said she was sexually assaulted. Was crying all day and all night (which was bullshit as I could see she went out on the piss that night from her facebook account). She went the next day to complain. He was suspended due to the investigation and had to wait 1.5 weeks until he found out if he would still have a job. Have charges brought against him etc.

So the whole deluge of bullshit goes on for some time with the silly cow saying that she understands what she is accusing him of but at the same time she doesn't want anyone to lose their job! Eh!! Sexual assault tends to mean you don't carry on employment you dumb woman.

I think the reason that I wanted to post about it was to highlight why the fuck people need to cause drama at work. I don't think there has been anywhere i have worked that hasn't had some person or group of people that feel the need to consistently ruin everyone's daily experience. Work is dog balls enough without having to deal with other peoples neuroses.

Come to work. Do your job. Do your job as well as you can and even rub a little funk on it to make yourself feel good. Leave.

That should really be how you look at your working day. Or at least thats how i feel people should. It makes life so much more difficult when you have to interact with people that aren't mature enough or have the personality to get over themselves and their own egos to the point that they feel people actually give a shit about what they think. Even when, what they do think, is fucking inane and dull in the first place. 

Sheesh!