FUCKING...................BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

The title- Big Brother issue. As I gazed upon the small handful of spakwamers that channel 4 had chosen to put on the screen I wondered to myself. (Pause for Tilley style thought process).

They shouldn't have.

I have never been to the BB auditions because frankly I like having a number 2 in private and no one wants to see me in a towel whilst they have there tea and biscuits. However to then turn back to the ingrates they have chosen I start to come to the conclusion that behind the interview and decision making in the BB office are maybe very angry and slightly sexually confused lamas or alpacas (maybe alSpacas), i massively giggled to myself at said point.

Take Bea for instance. I have sworn and shouted at the tv sooo much tonight. Why?! She will never meet me. She may actually not be that real. However she still manages to get my blood boiling to the point of making that old whistle sound that a hob kettle makes.

All she ever keeps saying is she is so into being positive and "ohh maann just be cool and love the earth and like cooll mmaann" and like maybe you should fuck off and eat some soil if you love the earth that much you tree hugging daisy licker. She is just a walking contradiction. Which is something that I have learned to despise. I think mostly because I myself used to do this a fair bit when I was younger and maybe I still do but, I really try and stop myself and look out for it in myself because it's not a good look on people.

Now im thinking that some how I have turned BB into some sort of self examination tool that could be used to better yourself.....actually na bollocks to that.....hmmmm.....or is iiitttt????

Adam and Joe. I love you but I literally could not dislike you more when you make me laugh very loud or sit and giggle like some sort of school girl playing "Doctors and Nurses"-

On the tube.

They say something.

I laugh.

I shrink into my chair because that will stop everyone from looking at me as a fucking mental patient. Its not cool! But then I think if only I could show them what they are missing and that im not crazy im just genuinely listening to something very funny. It has run through my mind a few times, nay, many times, that I could systematically go round the tube letting people listen to the podcast and watch and wait as they sit in rolling fits of laughter. I have not done this yet but I reckon it's not going to take long.

Im losing my hair! I have a balding patch at the rear of my bonse (head). It's not too bad at the moment but it is progressively getting worse. Problem that I have been thinking is what happens when I do! What road do I take? Change the hair style to try and hide it? Buy a hat and never take it off? SHave it all off and look like a thug forever? Run away and hide in some remote outcrop of the nevada desert popping in to the Kitty Ranch to have a nice chat and a pint of jaeger with the resident ladies of the night? The whole thing worries me and weighs on my mind (unlike my hair).

I think I would go hat.

But then I don't want to be that friend who never takes their hat off and thats what he is known for AND you can't wear hats in many pubs and clubs so I would really..................ahh now im just letting it all get on top of me hahaha im going to ride the wave and see what happens.

Not sure why I blogged tonight. I suppose you don't need a reason.

Tired. Bedtime!